Sunday, December 16, 2012

2012, Folks. 2012.

Or "The Day R.E.M. Will Probably Clean Up in Mass Royalties."


Hey everybody!!
So...rumour has it we are all going to die on Friday. Good times. It is time to reflect on life and all the memories we have made up until this point.  Better though to party like it's 1999!!  Or like it's the end of the Mayan calendar.  Whichever blows your hair back!
I might rebel by sort of stealing a car.  We don't own a car but rent one from time to time.  We rented this weekend, because I had earned a free weekend!  Woohoo!!  Love you, car rental place who shall remain nameless but is located on the corner of Union and Weber in Waterloo and starts with a "D" and rhymes with miscount (interesting since the slogan for reason I have the car this weekend is "One, two, free!").  I just won't return my rental car after my free weekend ends. It would be pretty sweet to spend my last week on earth driving around in a posh car that I am not paying for; heated seats too.  Which are now, very similar to my last job - redundant; except in their case it isn't "restructuring" but global warming.  But poor global warming is about to become redundant too, because apocalypse, guys!!

Thought about trying to get into one of those underground bunker communities but then realized those people are dumb-asses. The world is supposed to end.  They are all panicking and thinking up all sorts of way to survive past it.  It is not a survival situation..the world is ending!  There is nothing after the end of the world because it is, you know, the end of the world!  Nice way to spend your life savings and your last few days - burying yourself alive. Idiots. I am going to take my meagre life savings (which, considering how long we have left to live and despite being less than a downpayment for a car, are fine by me) and get hammered - all the time, every single day, thank you very much.  

I was looking for ideas on what to do before the end of the world.  I looked at some bucket lists for inspiration.  A couple of them had the suggestion to "do something that terrifies you".  Uh.  Yeah.  I think that will take care of itself on Friday.  There are a lot of things that terrify me but witnessing the demise of world seems to be the winner. 

Yeah, I could get a little wild for the next few days.  I might run with scissors, leave the caps off my pens, cross the street without waiting for the little walk-man, light a match with the cover open, eat some ham after the expiry date, open a cereal box from the wrong end and I might even...oh my...I might even talk with my mouth full.  There is no stopping me.  It's just how I roll.
Or maybe I will just live life as I normally do (which includes returning rental cars on time), wake up on December 22nd and be impressed at it being just another day.

Just the same though, if you see me holding a pair of scissors and staring wistfully at my sneakers or holding a box of cereal upside down, watch out things just might get cuuraaazyyy!



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