Sunday, December 30, 2012

Christmas, My Mom and Survival

After a holiday hiatus, I am back!

I went home for the holidays to spend time with my family.  It was good to be home, although it was a tough Christmas as it was the first one without my dad around.  We are still grieving, but managed to prop each other up and get through as best we could by trying to carry on as we would have if he was still here.  There was one less, very hearty laugh in the house but in spite of that, or maybe because of that, we still managed to work on it by teasing each other a lot, laughing a lot and carrying on as we always have because that is the way he taught us to live.

I managed to have lots of fun spending time with my brothers.  Especially at one dinner, when Mom had to take a phone call, left the table and I was undefended against them.  I don't even remember what we talked about but they were making fun of me so much, I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard.  It was exactly how we knew to spend our time together.

Speaking of spending time together, I had a lot of quality time with my mother this Christmas, including a couple of magical, wonderful early mornings with my mother who is clearly insane.

Mom hates dealing with the Christmas crowds, so any errands to be run were done very early in the morning.  Wal-mart open 24 hrs?  Excellent.  That means we are pulling the car into the parking lot at 6:07am, going in, getting what we need and are pulling out again at 6:25am.  Done shopping before 6:30 in the morning; there is just something unnatural about that.  You know you are insanely early when, after shopping you think it would be nice, just for fun, to browse around at Farmers' Market before the crowds but even the bloody farmers aren't ready for business yet!

She acts like she loves me.  She spoils me rotten when I go home.  She wants to spend all kind of quality time together.  She even takes me out for lunch once or twice.  She buys me things.  She watches movies with me.  But then, after Christmas dinner when I complained of being uncomfortably full and having heartburn, she offers me a homemade concoction to supposedly help me burp and possibly ease the pain.  She mixes up cream of tartar, baking soda, sugar and water.  Apparently an old-school remedy.  (I thought it was supposed to be just baking soda and warm water.)  But I will admit it helped a bit; the taste just left me questioning her love for me, that is all.

Then, to make me more comfortable, she brings me a magazine for my reading and relaxation pleasure. She holds it out to me (I am laying in bed on my side at this point) and I thanked her but didn't feel like reading.  So, she casually tosses it down on the bed, to put it in my reach in case I change my mind. Except she tosses it horizontally.  Toward me.  INTO MY EYE!  The corner of the spine of the magazine caught me square in the eye.  And it hurt like hell.  I grabbed my eye and made injured person noises.  She apologizes but starts to laugh.  And I start to laugh.  I am wincing, moaning, holding my eye and laughing all at the same time.  I couldn't open it for a couple of minutes for the pain.  I just lay there while both of us laughed our heads off;  her laughing but also feeling bad for hurting me, me laughing and trying to stop sounding like I am in pain because I know she feels bad.  Finally, I open it and look around.  All good.  She asks if I am ok and I tell her I am except for feeling like I have something in my eye but not to worry, it is probably only the part of my eyeball that got chipped off and is now floating around.

She goes to bed, I try to fall asleep.  It isn't working.  I don't feel well at all.  Christmas dinner is screaming at me from not so deep down in my stomach.  Long story short, after fighting it for a long time, I finally give in at 1am and head to the bathroom.  And was ill.  Very, very ill.  At this point, I was blaming the concoction that my mother made me drink earlier.  That, and the fact that I was so stuffed after Christmas dinner.  After a few hours, I finally conceded the fact that I had caught the stomach bug against which I was so sure I was invincible.  Apparently I am not invincible.  Dammit.  

On a not completely unrelated note, I managed to lose 10lbs over the holidays, when most people gain weight.  And it only took about 8 hours.  Most effective detox and cleanse, ever!  100% natural too!  But trust me, I do NOT recommend it.  At all.  It was a miserable experience and left me with a hangover for about 3 days.  I got over being sick but spent the next 3 days with a headache on which painkillers literally had no effect; and I had an aversion to all food.

I am finally eating again, and have my strength back.  Ready and rarin' to go for 2013 after having survived the end of the world, misguided parental love (in the form of projectile magazines), and a Christmas flu bug.  Can't wait to see what the next year brings!  (Hopefully gainful employment and steady paycheques.  That would be nice!)


  1. OMG ~ you make me laugh out loud and I can see you sitting at the table undefended against the boys! Sorry to hear that you were ill ~ I will look around here for a glass eye out of one of my many teddy bears and ship it up to you. Love you! xo

  2. Ha ha! Thanks, Lor! I knew you would have my back...err...eye! That flu bug was epic. Didn't have another meal again until I got back to my place. Which happened the day after it was supposed to. Good times. lol! Love you too, buddy!! xoxo

  3. LOL I need to be adopted into your family... never a dull moment!!