Tuesday, January 14, 2014

2014 - Open Arms and Bitch Slaps

Well, we are halfway through the first month of 2014.  Time to get my butt in gear and get back on here.

I said farewell to 2013 and didn't want to look back. Couldn't wait for what 2014 was going to bring!

How 2013 ended?  I almost couldn't see the end of it for all the #"%*! snow.  Winter decided to prance around, showing off its muscles like some meathead at the gym who can't get enough of himself in the mirror.  It snowed and snowed and snowed.  Then it stopped.  And then it snowed again.  There was snow, rain, freezing rain, snow, freezing rain.  It was a frikkin smorgasbord of winter precipitation of Arctic proportions.

Yay.  Winter.

We did end the year on a somewhat positive note though!

Why it was positive:

  • We decided to foster an abandoned kitty-cat and take her off the hands of the friend who was housing her at first despite her cat allergies (the friend, not the cat...just to clarify).  She is gorgeous (the cat AND the friend)!  Fluffy, loving, healthy and glad to be in the warm.


Why it needed the qualifier, "somewhat":

  • She was rescued from the great outdoors so we didn't know her medical history which meant, hello vet, goodbye money.  Vaccinations, Revolution (the medicine one, not the French one), an ear cleaning (mmm...ear mites), and a belly shave to reveal...we took on an unspayed, young, adult feline.  Otherwise known as a "queen"...and lawwwdy, doesn't she know it!  Awesome.  But no worries, the vet assured me that cats only go into heat in the spring and fall because Nature decreed it to be so.  Thank goodness because we can't really afford to have a cat fixed just yet.

Yeah, that's right, I even wear a crown, bitches!

Long story short, I was not sad to see 2013 go.  All I could think of was running toward the door that said 2014...I couldn't WAIT to see what was behind it!

Little did I know that the year I was running toward with open arms was going to bitch slap me when it opened the door!

Here is how the new year started off for me:


  • Had a mini power outage at work.  My entire workstation lost power all of a sudden the very first morning back. Computer, phone, desk light, printer...everything went kaput.  Same happened to the workstation of the girl sitting next to me.  Even the little space heaters she and I were using to keep warm in our chilly office lost power.  Which may or may not have been the reason for the blown the circuit breaker...



  • Our 5,923,481st storm of the season hit and we had a "flash freeze".  We went from a nice, mild -8 or -9 to -25, pretty much overnight.  This resulted in me pressing the button on the remote starter that particular morning, watching my car's headlights turn on, then off again...no sound from the motor whatsoever.  I tried over and over with the same results and had to give in to the fact that my battery also flash froze.  Awesome.  The result?  A dead battery, a boost from a tow truck, a trip further into the Financial Valley of Despair, and the purchase of a new battery for the car we have had for 6 whole months. 



  • The cat, who never showed any signs of itchiness from her ear mites before her treatment, is scratching like crazy.  I called to inquire about it and was told that it means the ear mites are dying.  Oh.  Ok.  That's good, right?  Not itchy before treatment means things are bad; extreme itchiness afterward means improvement.  Ok, got it.



  • One evening, my husband remarked at how awesome it is to have this beautiful, loving creature in the house.  He absolutely adores her.  In fact, she had been particularly affectionate with him all day, rubbing against his legs, coming whenever called.  I just nodded and gave a "That's nice.  Yes, cats can be really cute, can't they?".  Then he comments on how she has started doing this new thing he hadn't noticed before, kind of like alligators, you know, when they roll around in the water to drown their prey (we probably watch too many nature documentaries).  That is when the needle scratched across the record, really hard.  I froze.  "What did you say she does??!!".  Panic is rising in my throat and dollar signs are flashing before my eyes, then fading into oblivion.  He describes once more how the cat has been rolling around on the floor again and again, has been more social and affectionate...oh geez.  Our cat had just gone into heat....no, sorry, I stand corrected...our queen had just become available for any eligible, interested suitors.  And is apparently snubbing Nature's decree as stated in 2013.

Queen Hornietta in a less "heated" moment.

I guess I could get used to our new neighbourhood in the Fiscal Valley of Despair...we would really like to move though.  There are two other places to go.  I am really hoping for a vacancy in Financial Stabilityville (even just on the outskirts would be fine) as I have not heard anything good at all about the neighbourhoods in the Pit of Monetary Anguish and Sorrow.

Yeah, 2014 is doing its share of ass-kicking to start off, but I think that is just to see which people are going to stay on their toes.  I'm ready...let's do this!


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